Pinstriped Avengers

If you haven’t seen the new Avengers movie, minimize this window, put on your pants, find a convenient friend/colleague/hobo and go watch it. It is amazing. I am not a comic book nerd at all but I loved it.

Me being me, I began connecting it to sports teams. I started with the Rangers, but I think it works best for the Yankees because everything awesome and successful works best with the Yankees.

Starting it off…

Captain America: Derek Jeter. Probably the single most obvious connection ever. Derek Jeter is Steve Rogers. Though the superserum equivalent would not be good. Jeter’s rejuvenated 2012 is like Rogers being awoken from the polar ice cap after 70 years.

Iron Man/Tony Stark: Alex Rodriguez. Ridiculously good at what he does? Check. Brilliant analysis of what he does? Check. Almost universally disliked by people who are not rooting for him? Quadruple check. In recent years, ARod’s humor has come through more in interviews, making him even more like the snarky, sarcastic Stark.

Thor: Robinson Cano. I wanted to say Mariano Rivera for the whole god thing, but Rivera is much too dignified and smooth to play a somewhat loose cannon demigod. Cano is naturally talented, still a little bit unrefined, but at his best, he is probably the most dangerous member of the team. And when Cano’s swing is right, you can hear lightning crackle as he makes contact.

Incredible Hulk/Bruce Banner: Our platoon DH, Randrew Ibones. Both of them are similar players offensively. Hulk only goes at one speed, and designated hitters only do one thing: hit. Their steady veteran influence is like Banner’s calming, rational, zen attitude towards life. But hanging curveballs make them angry. And you won’t like them when they’re angry. DH SMASH!

Hawkeye: the entire bullpen. Much like Jeremy Renner’s character, the crew of Rivera, Robertson, Soriano, Wade and co. fires heat, hits their targets and gets the job done. And with Rivera down for the year, the bullpen loses much of its name recognition. Hawkeye sometimes gets overshadowed by the bigger names in the Avengers, but his long range attacks are valuable and often save the day.

Black Widow: Minka Kelly. Curtis Granderson. Athletic, skilled, and attractive to the opposite sex. Granderson comes from a mysterious quagmire named the Tigers, just as Romanov was trained by the Soviet Union. And Granderson’s eloquence is a break from most other athletes, just like the Black Widow’s feminitiy is a break from the other Avengers’ testosterone-infused masculinity.

Nick Fury: Brian Cashman. Calm, cool, calculating – this man brought together the team, and despite criticisms from his rivals and his bosses, sits back and watches the job get done. Plus I totally think Cashman would look badass with an eyepatch.

Loki: The entire Red Sox franchise, as personified by Kevin Youkilis. He thinks he’s brilliant and hilarious, but really he’s just insane. Plus, I could see Kevin Youkilis wearing that hat with the curved horns.

Many thanks to all the people on Twitter who helped, especially @riddering who supplied 95% of what I know about comic books.

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